human.

i'm feeling a bit more like a human today, instead of a machine.
instead of a robot that goes to work in the morning,
comes home in time to crawl in bed,
and has little human contact with anyone outside of work.

i went in today, i had to do timecards.
but i left at noon. that was my goal, and i made it.
stopped at the minitmart, got gas in the gas can, and a sandwich.
came upstairs, took a nap.
i should just have laid down and taken a real nap, instead of dozing off, thinking, oh, i need to get up, dozing again, waking up to look at the time, telling myself i need to get up, but then dozing again.
but when i did get up, i felt better.
went outside, and mowed grass for an hour.
my feet turned green.
but it felt so good.
i haven't mowed grass but 3 times this year.
i've not had the time.

started out this spring.  it rained so much, and between work, rain, and going back to dads, i couldn't get to my grass.  bob came over and mowed it for me.  it was the nicest thing he could have done for me.  but then, when work went crazy, i still wasn't able to get to it.  lwd was keeping it mowed.  even the front part which is  normally my job.  today, i got to mow grass.  in my bare feet.  it felt like spring.  and i haven't had a spring or summer this year.  i've been a work machine.  i've been existing.  that's it. this year is going to be the lost year.  the year in a fog.

the shadow came over.  she decided that she wanted to make mac n cheese for us for supper.  so, she went over and made mac n cheese, and i kept mowing until she came back.  we had mac n cheese and pickles for supper.  she doesn't like the church pickles.  which is just fine w me,  it means i don't have to share them.  and she can eat the dill pickles.

so then she took off with lwd and penny, and i did my dishes.  cleaned off the counter, it's visible again.  i did a load of laundry.

i'm in a cleaning mood.  i'm in a pitch stuff out if i haven't used it in so long.  i just hope that mood lasts until the beginning of september when i think i'll have some time off.  i need to clear the weeds from around the house.  i need to do yard work.  it is therapeutic for me, to do yard work.

today was a good day.